Six Months Ago Today...

Six months ago, I stopped feeling the life growing inside me.
Six months ago I walked into my doctors office to hear his heartbeat.
Six months ago, I heard the doctor say words I hope to never hear again, "Your baby has died."
Six months ago, I calmly asked her if it was a boy or a girl.
Six months ago, I screamed through sobs to my husband on the phone, while crumpled on the snowy ground outside the doctors office that the baby was dead.
Six months ago, I repeated the same phone call to my mother.
Six months ago, they both sped home from work in the snowstorm to be by my side, as we entered Labor & Delivery to have our first born child. Six months ago today, they induced me.
Six months ago, I spent 17 hours curled up and contracting in a hospital bed with my husband waiting to deliver a child we would never really know.

No smiles.
No giggles.
No birthday parties.
No turning over for the first time.
No cutting new teeth.
No baths.
No crawling.
No walking.
No scraped knees.
No baseball games.
No trips to the zoo.
No questions to ask.
No answers.

Six months ago, I delivered a tiny human being we named Quinn.

Would he have had blue eyes?
Would he have been tall like Frank?
Would he have had our bad knees?
Would he have played soccer like me?
Would he have loved to fish with his daddy?
Would he ever know how much we love him?

Six months ago, our life changed. Apparently, it's supposed to when you have a child.

We should be tired from minimal sleep.
We should be celebrating him rolling over.
We should be starting him on finger foods.
We should be spending every minute of the day making him smile and giggle.
We should be blissfully happy.

Six months ago, we became parents to an angel. And he's watching over you.

Because we asked him to.